I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
