8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
