I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize