I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
