Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
