My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
