party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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