Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
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mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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