You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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