i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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