I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
