Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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