I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
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And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
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Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize