I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
