I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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