I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
