kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
