I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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