He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Who died my cat blue again?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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