Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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