Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
