hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
