Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
