Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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