I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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