there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
