idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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