I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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