Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
