Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
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she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
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Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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