We're facebook friends in real life
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
