he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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