With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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