I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
