His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
