If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
