so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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