I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
