I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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