Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
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Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
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You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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