My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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