All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
