All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
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Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
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Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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