Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you would pick up someone in the library
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize