Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
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It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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