I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
