So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
