Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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