my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
