apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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