If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
