Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
