Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
