just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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