thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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