he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
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