I skipped work to stalk him.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
