Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
