the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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