Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
