I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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